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“Getting Rid Of Your Buccal Fat? But That's The Best Part!” Says Armie Hammer
by Drew Valdez -- After a recent photo shared by actress Lea Michelle, many are speculating that she has had surgery to remove the buccal...

Weekly Report
Dec 14, 2022


Drake’s “When To Say When” Based On Interaction With Waiter Grating Parmesan Cheese Onto His Pasta
by Drew Valdez -- “When To Say When” is a song we’ve all believed to be a nondescript song about Drake’s journey in music so far, but in...

Weekly Report
May 9, 2022


Dua Lipa Does Hip Twist Dance To Distract Everyone From Copyright Lawsuit
by Drew Valdez -- Pop megastar Dua Lipa (or Dula Peep if you’re Wendy Williams) is reportedly being sued by Florida reggae band, Artikal...

Weekly Report
Mar 2, 2022


Not To Be Outdone By Russia, Kanye Finally Declares War On Leather Clothing
by Drew Valdez -- On the day Russia declares war on Ukraine, Kanye West made a huge announcement via the Weekly Report exclusively. West:...

Weekly Report
Feb 23, 2022


Crip Mac Vid Leads To Increase In Deaths Among Non-Black Angelenos After Attempting To Bang The Set
by Drew Valdez -- A new viral video has swept the internet this week. Popular YouTube channel, Channel 5 with Andrew Callaghan, published...

Weekly Report
Nov 26, 2021


Beloved Jim Carrey, Steve Carell, & Seth Rogen Canceled For Starring In Dr Seuss' Horton Hears A Who
by Drew Valdez -- In this week’s slew of cancelations, some of Hollywood’s most lovable actors Jim Carrey, Steve Carell, and Seth Rogen...

Weekly Report
Mar 4, 2021


Man Killed By Girlfriend After He Claimed He “Didn’t Know Who That B*tch Was”
by Drew Valdez -- Sad news strikes again as we’ve learned a man was killed by his girlfriend last night. The homicide occurred after the...

Weekly Report
Nov 22, 2020


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Weekly Report
Oct 17, 2020


Grimes and Musk Say "Œ D-29 Ÿß" Was First Choice For Son’s Name
By Drew Valdez -- Grimes and Elon Musk have welcomed their child "X Æ A-12" to the world as their process of creating 100 offspring...

Weekly Report
May 5, 2020


Star Wars Fans With Lisps Hesitant To Say “May The 4th Be With You” Out Loud
By Drew Valdez -- May 4th is a day that Star Wars fans from all over wait 364 days to have their fun with. You’ll see the “May the force,...

Weekly Report
May 4, 2020


Catholic Church Begins To Perform Baptisms Over Text To Practice Safe Social Distancing
By Drew Valdez -- A local Catholic Church is now baptizing the not yet submissives through text messages to practice proper social...

Weekly Report
Apr 12, 2020


Mattel To Introduce New "Quarantine Barbie"
By Drew Valdez -- Yesterday, Mattel CEO Ynon Kreiz announced the company will be introducing the new Quarantine Barbie as a new edition...

Weekly Report
Apr 11, 2020
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