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Catholic Church Begins To Perform Baptisms Over Text To Practice Safe Social Distancing
By Drew Valdez -- A local Catholic Church is now baptizing the not yet submissives through text messages to practice proper social...

Weekly Report
Apr 12, 2020


Mattel To Introduce New "Quarantine Barbie"
By Drew Valdez -- Yesterday, Mattel CEO Ynon Kreiz announced the company will be introducing the new Quarantine Barbie as a new edition...

Weekly Report
Apr 11, 2020


Bernie Drops Out; Will Work As Larry David’s Stunt Double On Sitcom
By Drew Valdez -- Shocked to learn that Joe Biden has not officially died yet and much to the disappointment of college students across...

Weekly Report
Apr 8, 2020


Chinese Children Reunite with Families After Nike Shuts Down Operations
By Drew Valdez -- As Nike announced it will be closing all U.S. stores in hopes to stop the spread of the coronavirus, millions of child...

Weekly Report
Apr 1, 2020


Leftists Swear Off Pillows Forever Because “Like Hate and Stuff, Man”
By Kyle Robinson -- It was simply too much for the ‘woke’ demographic of our country to see MyPillow founder Mike Lindell appear to be in...

Weekly Report
Apr 1, 2020


Anime Character Admits Yelling the Attack While Attacking Wastes Breath
By Drew Valdez -- Over the years, we have grown accustomed to our favorite anime heroes and villains ferociously shouting their special...

Weekly Report
Apr 1, 2020


KKK Holds First Virtual Cross-Burning on Zoom
By Drew Valdez -- The Ku Klux Klan is not letting a global pandemic get in the way of any of their activities as they conducted their...

Weekly Report
Mar 31, 2020


Father Strikes Son as Game of Monopoly gets out of Hand
By Drew Valdez -- Last night, police responded to a domestic violence call in a normally quiet suburb. Neighbors say they heard loud...

Weekly Report
Mar 31, 2020


Wannabe Fit Chick Creates Home Gym to Take Mirror Selfies During Quarantine
By Drew Valdez -- A popular wannabe Instagram fit chick has taken all measures to ensure her mirror selfies are “gym quality.” As the...

Weekly Report
Mar 30, 2020


Chinese Government Strikes Contract Deal with CNN
By Kyle Robinson -- After months of negotiation the two sides have agreed to a 5-year deal that could be worth up to $350 million and 3...

Weekly Report
Mar 30, 2020
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